I am an extreme Coke drinker. I didn't drink 10 in a day or anything like that, but I definitely had to have at least ONE every day.
I gave them up on Nov. 23rd. Ugh. I haven't had any form of soda since, not even diet drinks. It hasn't been easy, I will admit!! But it's becoming more of a mental game for me, as in... I'm craving a coke? Well take THAT you evil craving, I am NOT giving in!
So then I decided that I would try to break my Facebook habit as well. I started to notice that I was on it all of the time, as in I'd check it with my morning coffee, then get to work and check it on my phone, then keep checking it throughout the day on my computer at work. I'd check it while watching a movie, peek at it while talking to my husband, etc etc. It was just too much.
So I quit, cold turkey. Deactivated my account. And now it's been 36 hours without FB. It's kinda weird, and I do miss certain groups with whom I participated, but it's also kind of like that challenge... the more I want to log in, the more I resist it because I am NOT going to let this evil habit win!!!
It's also given me a chance to really realize how much time I've burned up with FB. I've found some time in the last 24 hours to actually write again - something I love to do and something I quit doing because, well, I was spending more time on FB.
I find facebook to be super cool and useful, but it's also a bit like high school. Sometimes it down right made me feel bad about myself! So this is a good thing.
I'll log back on soon, but I'm gonna take the app off my phone and if I go back to the old habit, I'll deactivate it again. I can stay in touch with people without having to be logged in 24 hours a day, for pete's sake.
Sometimes you just gotta master the habits in your life.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
SAD
Admittedly, I suffer from SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder. I really started picking up on it within the last few years, in that at first I didn't really realize that I was experiencing these cycles of depression in the winter. Once I realized it, it's a little easier to take, but still a tough time to get through every. single. year.
This year it's a little different and I'm not sure why. Age? Point in life? Recent events? Either way, it's a hard one. I'm sick of people, I'm sick of the recession, I'm sick of bad news, I'm sick of *trying* to find a reason to be happy in my day. And people don't see it coming, but one day you wake up and realize that the older you get, the harder it is to find the bright spots. Right at this moment I have two friends dying in the hospital - one whose dog is at our clinic because he had no where else to go when his mom crashed this week from pancreatic cancer, and one who has advanced alzheimer's, and whose husband is a dear man who has shared his story of his 50 year marriage with me. Hearing him cry and tell me that his beloved wife doesn't remember the last 20 years of their life together is just about all I can take in one day.
Finding focus and trying to appreciate the things that do make me smile is the only way I get through the day. Otherwise the dreams of chucking it all and taking off in the car with Steve and my dog are about to overcome me. Who cares about responsibilities? Who cares about "living the American dream" when all it leads to is old age, social security and dying some miserable death? I'm young now. I'm able. I don't want to be a member of the serfdom that our society is trying to hard to push upon it's own. I want to go far away and explore and love and work at jobs that make me feel good about myself and focus on living my life instead of chasing some pipe dream of... whatever. I just don't want to waste my life, is what I am saying. And lately I really feel that maybe I am.
And it's damned hard to get out of a circular rut, in which I also am currently spinning.
Now I know that some will look at my life, my accomplishments, etc. and tell me I'm crazy. But what they don't see is that under it all, I just want a simple life. I don't want material things. Right at this moment, I could even live without the internet. I'm just tired of these things and wish I could drop out of everything for about 6 months!
Live now. Enjoy the days you have while you have them. And don't buy into the bullshit of the society around you because the goal of any society is to extract labor from you for 50 years then let you die and disappear.
Definitely not Debbie Upper today.
This year it's a little different and I'm not sure why. Age? Point in life? Recent events? Either way, it's a hard one. I'm sick of people, I'm sick of the recession, I'm sick of bad news, I'm sick of *trying* to find a reason to be happy in my day. And people don't see it coming, but one day you wake up and realize that the older you get, the harder it is to find the bright spots. Right at this moment I have two friends dying in the hospital - one whose dog is at our clinic because he had no where else to go when his mom crashed this week from pancreatic cancer, and one who has advanced alzheimer's, and whose husband is a dear man who has shared his story of his 50 year marriage with me. Hearing him cry and tell me that his beloved wife doesn't remember the last 20 years of their life together is just about all I can take in one day.
Finding focus and trying to appreciate the things that do make me smile is the only way I get through the day. Otherwise the dreams of chucking it all and taking off in the car with Steve and my dog are about to overcome me. Who cares about responsibilities? Who cares about "living the American dream" when all it leads to is old age, social security and dying some miserable death? I'm young now. I'm able. I don't want to be a member of the serfdom that our society is trying to hard to push upon it's own. I want to go far away and explore and love and work at jobs that make me feel good about myself and focus on living my life instead of chasing some pipe dream of... whatever. I just don't want to waste my life, is what I am saying. And lately I really feel that maybe I am.
And it's damned hard to get out of a circular rut, in which I also am currently spinning.
Now I know that some will look at my life, my accomplishments, etc. and tell me I'm crazy. But what they don't see is that under it all, I just want a simple life. I don't want material things. Right at this moment, I could even live without the internet. I'm just tired of these things and wish I could drop out of everything for about 6 months!
Live now. Enjoy the days you have while you have them. And don't buy into the bullshit of the society around you because the goal of any society is to extract labor from you for 50 years then let you die and disappear.
Definitely not Debbie Upper today.
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