Halloween Fun

One of my awesome girls at work organized our First Annual Halloween Extravaganza this past weekend and boy was it fun! We laughed, talked, got to know each other, mets parents and siblings, ate great food and of course, carved pumpkins. I had to admit that it was my first - yes, my first - time to ever carve a darned pumpkin. I was a pumpkin carving virgin! But I have since become enlightened and learned how my, um, surgical skills, can serve me in the world of tedious crafting as well.



Of course I had to pick a stupid pattern that took longer than almost anyone else, just because I thought it looked cool. But it came out great!




And, yes, my big teddy bear husband carved his own pumpkin and did so with flying colors.




So of course, we also had to have a pic of the whole bunch, which I thought was too cool!



Steve's is the one with the huge eyes right below mine.

So much positivity in my life, so much to appreciate and adore... I just can't complain. :)

Just had to mention...

It's kind weird for me to think of Steve's kids as step kids, esp. since they are (for the most part) grown ups and adults. But his daughter Nicole said something to me the other day that made me so happy and proud... if I could have had a kid, it would have been her.

Nicole had her little boy during her last year of pharmacy school. On her way to becoming a doctor and a little surprise came along. She still finished school with flying colors and is doing great. Now she's a single mom with a new house and a beautiful baby and a career that is about to take off. And she's only 28.

She mentioned that the reason she chose education and a career was so she could take care of herself and her children on her own, no matter what.

It's what I've preached for years, except I haven't known Nicole long enough to have influenced her thought in that direction. No, that would be the work of her mom and dad. But they did a great job.

And she proved that I am not the only one who feels that way - that education and the ability to take care of yourself and your children on your own is so important. It's not because we are negative or that we don't believe that it should be within the family realm with a mommy and a daddy, but because it's the right way to be.... if you can't even support yourself or take care of yourself, or if you've never even lived on your own and done those exact things, how on earth is it that you think you're going to be the best parent ever? You can't teach your kids what you don't know yourself.

Congrats, Nicole. I'm so proud of you.

No Donations Please

I realized that my mindset truly is changing when I got my annual request for a donation to NARAL (Pro Choice Group) this past week. I looked at it, almost grabbed my checkbook... and then realized I didn't want to donate anymore. Not because I can't, but because I won't.

It's not my battle anymore.

Best of luck to the younger generation on keeping your rights as women, esp. with a growing movement to ban abortion even in cases of rape or incest. It's easy to support that until it's your daughter. But most of all, good luck to your daughters who will be the ones who pay for your apathy.


"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

New Ride

Most people who know me, know I'm not a big fan of cars. In fact, I usually become physically ill when buying a new car. There's just something about throwing that much money down the tubes that really gets to me. Everyone knows that a car is the worst investment in the world, as it depreciates the second you drive it off the lot.

But, my old Rodeo was finally getting tired. She was 7 years old and the first car I ever bought right out of vet school. The transmission and brakes were starting to wear... and it was time to start thinking about a new car. And, on the day we made the decision to actually buy a new one, the heater went out. It was a sign from above.

It took me weeks - I mean, WEEKS - just to find one I liked. It made Steve crazy. I looked at cheap cars, luxury cars, hybrids, SUVs, trucks... I just haven't been impressed by many. I test drove a Honda Insight, a Nissan Rogue, a fancy schmancy Honda S 2000; I dreamed of a Pontiac Solstice until I drove one. I looked at luxury SUVs - I used to really like the Infinity FX but now I think they are the ugliest cars on the road AND a waste of money (they look like ugly little VW Bug wannabes - no offense to people who drive them. What did they do to that car?? I used to love - or did my tastes just change?) and there was no way I was going to pay $50K for a piece of crap car. That includes the BMW and Lexus also.

I considered American Made but my god, they are ridiculously expensive for what you get! So then I kept thinking I'd just go cheap and get a little Kia Sportage 4WD just to have something I could drive around town but still have 4WD for when we go to Yosemite or the desert or whatever. But just to get what I'd want, I'd still have spent almost $30K! I was becoming disheartened.

I also considered just fixing the darned Rodeo and to hell with the car dealerships.

Then I drove a Nissan Xterra. I really liked it! It was beefy and tall and drove like a dream. So after a while, I decided that's what I'd like to get - the price was right, it came in 4WD and it was a nice car.

Except.... then we discovered we couldn't find one. Oh yes, there are many Xterras out there, but they are all 4x2s! And the FEW 4WDs that we could find were in the base models! Hello, I'd like to have a FEW nice things if I'm going to fork over a bunch of money.

Steve and I searched dealerships all over SoCal for a few weeks and FINALLY found one in Redlands. Yes, over an hour away. The only problem was that it was the Off Road version and I wasn't so sure about that. In my mind we were originally getting the SE in 4WD. BUT - after more research, we found out the Off Road had some features we really liked, and it also just so happened that this particular one had a few extras and it came in white - the color I like.

So off went went! It's amazing how easy it is to buy a car when you're 1.) a small business owner and 2.) have a credit score that is sky high. The entire deal was done in an hour. Signed, sealed and delivered.

Now if Steve and I could just stop bartering for who gets to drive the car next... :)

The Lighter Side

On a lighter note, we'll be home this evening so we can watch the LSU vs FL football game. Cooking shrimp gumbo and hot wings and enjoying a fall evening by the tube!

I've been a jogger all of my life but I have times when I just get away from it for a while. I tend to hurt myself when I start back into it, so this time I decided to follow the couch-to-5K plan and see if my knee holds up better. It takes 8-9 weeks but they guarantee you'll be running 3 miles at a time, a few times a week by the time you finish. We'll see. I just finished the first week and it was super easy and so far, no knee pain!

Going to Mitchell Caverns tomorrow - never been so should be great fun! They're some cool caverns where you'd never expect caverns to be - out in the middle of the Mojave Preserve. Yeah!

Steve is working on his PADI certification so we can SCUBA dive together! I'm soooo excited about that... diving has been a big passion of mine for 20 years and I'm absolutely thrilled to finally be married to someone who will dive with me!

I found out yesterday that our local Humane Society nominated me for an award - I'll be named Veterinarian of the Year for our small town! It's not that big of a deal, but I'll get an announcement and a fancy schmancy award at a banquet dinner coming up. Exciting. :)

The prison dog training program is in gear, and I should get to go on my first visit soon. I'm so excited to participate in the education of these people who just have the wrong ideas and the wrong education about pets. THAT will be a first for me and should prove to be rewarding and interesting. Hope there isn't a riot that day. :)

Otherwise just getting ready for our vacation. Leaving Nov. 26 and already have trips to Catalina lined up, a Kathy Griffen show, friends staying with us at the timeshare for a few days, etc. Then off to Mexico for several days of R&R and diving. Yeah!

We're planning to fry a turkey for Thanksgiving so anybody who wants to show up, feel free. :)

The Catholic Joke

I've been feeling especially political lately, despite my attempts to let it go and just watch the world pass me by while I live out my life. But I read an article yesterday that set me on fire again, as it pertains directly to the last blog I wrote.

The article was about some catholic bishops who were lobbying the government, saying that they were threatening to pull their support for the health care bill unless the parts about abortion were removed. Seems the pedophiles want the health care bill to pass only if it denies abortion to women. All abortion. Even in the case of rape or incest. WHAT???

Um, excuse me? Did I hear you right? Not only do you bunch of creeps who rape children because oh, let's see... masturbation and sex with women is forbidden... you can't be normal men in any other direction so you prey on the weak... now you want to act like you have a SAY in something as important as health care? Go show your face in your NAMBLA groups so we can arrest you, please.

Yeah, this is exactly what I was talking about in my last blog. THESE THINGS ARE HAPPENING.

Another VERY important aspect of this? THE CHURCH IS TAX EXEMPT. Yes, many of you do not even know that, but the good ol' churches out there do not pay taxes. That was *supposed* to be because there was a separation of church and state in this country, guaranteed by our constitution. But now it seems all these religious nutbags wanna have it both ways.

They want nothing more than to have women stay in their petty little roles of male subservience and to have no access to birth control. Yes, women in their world (because, remember, they don't fuck women, they fuck little kids) are nothing more than broodmares.

Suffice it to say I have extreme hatred and distrust of ALL of catholicism. It's usually that the few ruin it for the many, but in the case of that religioun, the many ruin it for the few. That is one corrupt, disgusting, fucked up group of nasty old men trying to judge others and tell them how to live their lives. And people fall for it!

So as I said before, if the next generation doesn't get these things, people like those Bishops will get their way and rights will erode. When the church gets into the debate on health care and their one goal - their one goal - is to make abortion illegal and unattainable, then the premises of freedom for women will be gone. There is a reason why it's one of the longest and largest debates of this country. And believe me, your birth control pills will be next.

And I'll be sitting on my ranch in Colorado sipping coffee from the porch and laughing.

Evolution of an Activist

Every so often in life you find yourself at the crossroads of sudden change: it might be something simple, like all of a sudden you like sushi when you would never have touched it before. Maybe you'll decide to have a baby. Or, maybe it's something much more in depth, like a divorce... either way, it'll be a change of direction from which you cannot return, and making that choice could be funny and easy or it could be life threatening and huge.

I'm feeling the winds of change in my life recently and it's scary for me. But I think I'm welcoming it in a big way.

I've always been the activist in my family. Hippie-esque, somewhat green and granola, always fighting for someone else's plight, even if sometimes it's only in my mind. I've been confrontational for most of my life and have always welcomed any argument where good debate and intelligent conversation could overrule being angry.

I've been a member of NOW, NARAL, League of Women's Voters, the Democratic Party; I've read books written by my heroes and I've read the books by those I despise just so I'd understand their point of view (like stupid IDIOTS like Laura Schlessinger, Rush Limbaugh) I've stood up for and argued for Women's Rights, Abortion Rights, and education for little girls. I am a member of the ACLU. I believe birth control for ALL WOMEN should be a RIGHT and abortion should be accessible and PRIVATE. I do not believe the stupid fucking bible belongs in any woman's bedroom unless she WANTS it there.

Yes I am a liberal. A MODERATE liberal. I do not believe in gun control because I would shoot any asshole who comes into my house unannounced and try for his head cause I don't want him walking back out and getting away.

But, I'm getting older. I'm finding that the things I've always stood for - and my integrity is intact because if I believe in something, I will stand by my belief no matter what as compared to many people who don't even have true beliefs - but what I've found, unfortunately, is that I have been fighting battles for others who simply do not give a shit.

I've preached about the importance of women getting an education my whole life, but now I find that the next generation is, for the most part, stupid. They want to shit out babies like candy instead of opening their eyes, limiting their family size, educating themselves and making themselves better people, better citizens and above all, better PARENTS. Childbearing is an impulse decision nowadays, just like everything else in this society. It's a "want" and not a "need". They look for Prince Charming to make their dreams come true and think the life they have now will look the same in 10 years. There is NO concept of the fact that what they have now - the ability to vote, the ability to have a voice, the ability to CHOOSE to have kids - is a direct result of generations fighting for those exact rights and choices. These women do not go to college, they do not vote, they do not stand for anything. They resent feminism as if it's something to hate instead of embracing it and realizing the only reason they are where they are now by choice is directly because of feminism. It's a disgrace to those who went before us.

They have NO understanding of the concept that - ignorance about history condemns those to repeat it - which means there is a huge chance that their daughters will lose their rights some day. And they won't be able to stop it because they were too busy not caring when they should have been continuing the fight.

It just makes more sense to me to fight for your kids, if nothing else. Hell, if I had kids, I'd be a HUGE activist! I'd be fighting for women's rights so I could make sure my daughter had access to higher education; I'd be fighting for abortion rights so my daughter would always have privacy and the ability to make decisions about her own body (whether I agree with abortion or not!) I'd be GREEN and drive cars that don't use any gas so I could contribute to THEIR future world, and above all I'd make sure I could practice what I preach, which means education.

There was a time in my life when I was planning to have kids. And I REFUSED to have Disney in my house! My kids would NOT have watched that crap. Disney teaches little girls about fairy tales and saviors but does not teach them about respect, independence and education. I still feel that way today. THINK about the messages their impressionable little minds are receiving!!!

It makes me sad, but as I said... I'm sick of fighting for it. I don't care anymore. Hell, I don't even have any kids!! So these women are on their own now - and oh yes they are losing their voice because I am not the only one who feels this way - and they will get the life they deserve. It makes me very sad, but it is what it is.

I probably SHOULD have had a kid so I could help dilute out all of the ignorance being bred out there! Ahhh, well.... the dumbing down of America is a proven fact and it's becoming more and more evident every day. I can't stop it. But I also refuse to care anymore.

So my point is that I am becoming more conservative and less caring about these things because I am simply sick and tired of fighting for people who just don't care to fight for themselves.

They absolutely 100% deserve the world they will get.

And you know what? I'll be retired and settled and won't have to worry about anyone else and I'll like it that way. I'm going to move to Idaho with my husband, buy a gas-guzzling vehicle instead of an electric car, use as much water as I want, won't care about the amount of hormones in my food, won't send money into organizations that keep fighting our current government in attempts to keep our rights intact. (doubt that? The Patriot Act is a direct violation of our constitution) I even turned down a call this week from my annual NARAL group - I won't even support them anymore, despite being so strongly pro-choice that it makes some people puke.

It makes me sad to think this way, but women today don't drive electric cars, they don't conserve water, they don't fight to keep their rights.... so why should I? I can't care more about their kid's future than they do.

I'm off to enjoy my new gas guzzler, water my grass in the desert and I'm having some beef for dinner from cows that were fed too many hormones.

But at least I understand where those choices are taking America. And I'll be gone when the next generation realizes their loss.


P.S. I have to add how PROUD I am of my niece who, while I know she has baby fever badly and wants kids... is finishing her RN degree soon! She listened. I guess her mom's and my prodding over the years about educating yourself BEFORE having kids sunk in. She'll be highlighted soon in my Ode to My Beautiful Women blogs. :)

Poor Vet

Mr A. came in to the animal hospital yesterday with his dog that had been in a bad fight a few days earlier. The skin on the face had that hue that I am all too familiar with, the obvious sign of devitalized tissue and necrotic flesh just below the surface. The doggy was running a high fever, was very lethargic and just looked like she felt like total crap. I felt so sorry for her. She didn't even move as I probed the wounds and evaluated what I knew was going to be a long road to recovery.

The healer in me thought, "Yes! A big wound treatment! I can provide supportive care, daily flushes and debridements, and the necessary surgeries to remove dead tissue and close the defect created by the rotting flesh. I can use my magical sugar/betadine treatment and I know I can make this dog heal and go on to live a happy doggy life!"

The business person in me thought, "Yes! Hospitalization for several days, a lot of physical labor to manage the wounds, at least two surgical debridements and countless medications to keep her free from sepsis during the healing phase. Great income for the clinic!"

Mr A told me during the exam that he lost his job, his house and now his wife. He was out of money.

The human and friend in me thought, "There is no way I can make this person feel guilty for not being able to afford what I know MUST happen to get this dog to heal."

So I recommended we put her to sleep instead. It alleviated her suffering, it alleviated his added stress and removed the always-present issue of not being able to afford the necessary treatment to heal his pet.

I am most definitely going to go broke. My dad did predict this years ago when he told me I'd be the "poorest" vet he knows because I have far too much compassion when it comes to people and animals.

He was right.

Ode to My Beautiful Women

I wanted to start an "Ode to the Wonderful Women in my Life" blog and felt the most perfect place to start would be with the newest generation of them. My brother had his first baby a year and a half ago after many years of trying and many medical visits. They were finally blessed with a beautiful baby girl who, apparently, is now giving the world absolutely hell!

I would have never posted pictures of my baby girl on here until she was older but since her mommy has her face on Facebook, I figured it would be ok. :)

The next generation of strong, spicy, intelligent, precocious, independent hellion women:




I can't decide who she looks more like, so I'll say she's the perfect mix of my brother, his wife Peggy, my sister Donna and me. It was a long time in between the birth of Alisha, who is now 25, and Jonalee, who is almost 2, since I decided a few years back that I didn't want kids, and my sister decided she was NOT going to have more than one! So Jonalee was a welcomed addition to the family.

The daredevil in her and my brother trying desperately to keep her safe:


The look that will either slay you or make you tremble in fear. Ha!!! I cannot express how much I love the fact that she has the little gaps in her teeth just like her daddy. Just makes my heart melt!


It's good to have you here, beautiful baby girl. And I'll always be the liberal nanny who lives out west where you'll want to visit when you hit your rebellious teens. :) Your dad will protest but you'll come visit anyway. And I'll make sure you get to college and find your independence before you get married and have babies. I know your mommy and daddy agree. That's what Nannys are for. :) (If you're not careful daddy might not even let you date - ever!! :))

Baby Boy Ian and Baby Boy Rohan are here, too, but that'll have to be for another blog. :)

Future Opps

I've been working on the veterinary school applications/recommendation letters for my two girls at work for the last few days and it's so much fun! But it's so much work. And, as I'm writing these letters, I'm realizing how proud I am of these girls! They are mini-me's. Smart, college degrees, intelligent decisions about their futures, and now applications for vet school. And it's soooo much fun to re-live this experience through their eyes!

So very few people - eh hum, dare I say, women - get the chance to pursue this career. Many *say* they want to do it, but the bottom line is very few have the guts much less ability to actually pursue it. This is one field where saying you want to do it is definitely not in the same universe of actually doing it. When I think about all that I went through to get where I am today, I realize how truly unique and privileged we veterinarians are.

We are doing what very few get to do. We are healers to those who cannot speak for themselves.

Ok so what I'm getting at, that may or may not seem important to those not in my field, is that there is a chance I will get to become the Humane Society vet for the local juvenile detention dog training program. Yes, little kids who are in trouble, underprivileged, uneducated and probably hurting on many levels, have been enrolled via the Humane Society to help train dogs so they can be more adoptable. My role would be not only to be responsible for the medical care of these wonderful doggies, but to help educate these kids on responsible pet ownership.

I would get to influence these underprivileged, troubled kids in a good way, using my doctorate.

What else can you ask for? One of the most rewarding, specialized, unique careers in the world and get to help underprivileged kids at the same time?

Come on, top that. :)

Perspective

It occurred to me today that, even though I've owned my hospital for nearly 2 years, I am actually only just now claiming ownership of it. I'm not sure quite how to explain this, but I'll try. It used to be that I was fairly strict on some of my rules. I now see that it was an attitude that I inherited by being an associate and not an owner. I would complain if I had to do a spay or maybe a dental on a Saturday, or if I had to accommodate a client in some manner that annoyed me. It was definitely not my thing to go to people's houses and do things like euthanasia; that was tech work and I didn't go to school for 9 years for that!

But now, I find myself seeing the world more and more from my client's point of view. I want to be there for them when they need me. Or, at least, I sure am trying hard to do that. If a client now tells me they work hard all week and can only do that dental next Saturday, well then we'll get it done next Saturday.

Today I had the grumpiest owner in the world come in with his dog who had a sore on her foot. I'd seen her in May and the sore was not there then. The first thing out of his mouth was that he TOLD me about it in MAY but I didn't DO anything about it. I reminded him that was nearly 5 months ago and he should have come back in before now! Either way, I convinced him xrays were needed and he agreed. What I found was a mangled, nasty looking toe. Talked to him again and then had my tech go into the room with an estimate for a toe amputation.

Next I hear, he not only wants to remove the toe, but he wants ONLY ME to do it. Uh huh, no part time or relief doc will do; he wants to wait until I am in the office so I can do it and no one else.

So I gave in and told him I'd stay late today, on Saturday, and do that surgery for his dog. Never mind my lunch plans with friends; this guy and his doggy needed me.

That's what I mean - the old me would have scheduled it for next week; the new me just wanted to help this guy and his dog.

Not to say I don't have days when I still vent and I still get angry and defensive; but all in all, how can you take offense or get angry when a client only wants you? Another client of mine got really mad when he came in for an exam for his dog only to discover I was on vacation. Boy did we hear about that one! He was pissed! So at first I was defensive and got angry and responded in kind, but then I thought about it and realized... how could I be mad because he requested to see me and didn't get to see me and was therefore angry because of that?

I should have been flattered.

I could make the argument that the depression in the state of CA (yes it is a depression, not a recession) is causing me to be more humble and more open to doing things I wouldn't have done before, but that's not it. It's not that I'm feeling humble and bowing my head over these things; in fact, I'm proud as hell that we are providing such good customer service and surviving this evil, awful economy. I still won't do a C Section, (I do spays, not c-sections) I still won't crop ears or do other things just because an owner wants me to do it. I give the core vaccines every 3 years because it's the best thing to do, and I require exams every single year for all of my patients. I'm proud of these things because it means I truly care about my patients and I'm not just in it for the money.

If the universe sees fit that I am not supposed to stay in this place and that the depression will bring about the failure of my business, then I'll leave it with the knowledge that I gave it my best and didn't compromise my values for anything, especially not for money.

And my anus will stay intact. :)

Child Free Revisited

I'm posting this blog again (from Myspace) because I had a conversation with a friend this week about kids and it made me think about it. He is 61 years old and he and his wife chose many years ago not to have them - his belief, based on a lifetime of traveling the world and experiencing life in a manner that very few will shadow, is that the overpopulation of the world is one of the baselines for all of the societal ills that plague us, and the current situation of the U.S. is that *no one* stops and thinks about this before having more than one kid. We do it because we can and because we want to fill some selfish, inner void instead of using education, self-discovery and self-improvement to fullful ourselves. Either way, he's childfree, someone I very much admire, and WE AGREE.

I've definitely chilled on worrying about it. I'm 40 now, not having any kids, and I'm still thrilled about it to this day. Again, mommies just never seem happy to me, despite their repeated attempts to convince me that *it's the greatest thing ever*.

So here's the old post:


Everyone who knows me knows I have been struggling with the decision to have a kid or not. I think I've about decided NOT to do it. Sure, my body is telling me "Idiot! You're running out of time! You'd better do it now!" but my mind just isn't there. I love my solitude. I love being spontaneous. And I LOVE that a lot of people I know who have kids, are finished raising them and are joining me in the ranks of freedom once again. (i.e. they had their kids in their early twenties)

I've talked to at least 10 people in the last several months about the whole thing and I've met several women who, like me, choose to be Child Free. (I LOVE that term!) I have a very deep suspicion that there is a big secret kept by those with kids that having them isn't necessarily as great as it's made out to be. I RARELY hear how great the whole experience has been... more often than not, what I hear is "well, I'm glad I had him/her, but I sure am glad he's/she's grown now and I'm done! Life is all about me now!" I'm not kidding. I can't count the people I know who stopped at one and say that they love their kid but if they could do it all over again... NOT.

Which leads me to my theory about having kids in your twenties - much smarter than waiting because, hey, in my book, ignorance is bliss. You'll never know what you're missing out on if you have them when you're young! Wait until you're thirty-something like me, and you start to see that decision in a whole new light. So yea, have 'em when you're young and dumb. :)

I remember being 25, young at heart, very much in love with my new husband, and wanting to have kids - badly!! I honestly believe that is biology doing its job - if you didn't feel that way, we may never procreate! But as we got older, our views on that changed. Marriages change. That lusty, powerful, all-encompassing passion you feel early on changes... and then you're stuck with yourself all over again. It happens to everyone, no matter how in love they think they are when they first marry.

I recently read an article in WIRED magazine. They had a survey on things to do to remain happy - and one of the top things to do to keep yourself happy and healthy in life is to NOT have kids! Also, in support of what I said above, stats show that the ones having the kids in the world are in their twenties - we thirty-somethings decide otherwise.

Instead, I think I'm going to own dogs, travel with my friends and family, take LOTS of free solitude time, stay healthy, volunteer for charity and the like.

The idea of having to take care of another human being for something like, 25 years, is just too much for me. Do you realize how expensive college will be by the time they're there???

Nah, I'll keep my retirement and spend it on myself. :)

This would be exactly why I bought my own veterinary practice. This was written in July, 2007.



I'm so introspective and stuck in analysis paralysis these days that I want to vomit. I talk to my best girlfriends ALL of the time regarding the Emotions of Divorce. Hey! ED! Is there any relation to the Emotions of Divorce and Erectile Dysfunction? I don't know. Hell, it's 6am right now. :)

I'm on a wild roller coaster ride. I have great days and terrible days. Really not any in-between. I melt down over little things, like not getting to the grocery store on the days when I planned to go, or not getting enough laundry done on my day off.

The hardest part for me is letting go of my financial status. I went from having several thousand dollars per month at my disposal to being house-poor, lucky to have grocery money left over after paying the mortgage. Part of that is my fault - I bought this house from my ex and rolled a good chunk of my debt into it - which is fine, except that with the crappy housing market like it is, even my house-on-the-hill ain't worth much. So I have to hunker down and ride out the storm, so that when the sun shines again, I can make a buck or two.

I have another quote that I love, that jumped out in front of me the other day when I was thinking about selling my house and renting an apartment so I wouldn't be so broke all of the time. It went something like this:

"You can't see what's in front of you if you are constantly looking behind you."

Okay, so time to let go of my marriage for real, and stop pining for a life that I never had anyway. If money was what kept me in that place, then it's time I listen to some advice AGAIN that was given to me long before I even went to vet school:

"Do what you love and the money will come."

Do you think that applies to the Lotto, too? I mean, shit, I love scratch-offs. :)

Education of the Female Mind

Written July, 2007 and I still believe it to be true to this day.




For all of you girls out there who actually read my blog, I want you to listen to this, and listen to it hard:

My education is what kept me afloat during this divorce. I didn't have to fight for alimony or argue about possessions. I was able to turn around and buy my house outright, with NO argument from the bank for a fat mortgage. I have a credit score in the 800s. If I walked into a car dealership right now, I could finance just about anything I wanted, no questions asked.

My point? Get your lazy asses into school. Figure out a way to support yourself, even if you don't have to utilize it at this point in your life. Things change throughout the years and life has this funny way of ripping your comfort zone right out from under you, when you LEAST expect it. I promise - it is never a bed of roses forever and if you don't plan for a rainy day, you're going to regret it.

So do what you need to, to set yourself up. Get an education. Then you can choose - REALLY CHOOSE - whoever you want and whatever you want in life. You don't have to make any decisions that don't suit you just because someone else is picking up the tab.

I get a certain amount of ego-boosted relief from the realization that at this point in my life, meeting a man who actually makes more money than me would be difficult. It's like I made it as an independent woman and that can never be taken away from me.

I wish all of the women in my life could experience that feeling!

Was GW a Sith?

HEHE!! I had to re-post this one, cause I think it's damned funny. :)


Saturday, November 18, 2006

Something interesting noted....

Category: News and Politics

I was watching one of the Star Wars movies this week (for the millionth time) and I caught something that was said, that I think is filled with truth. I also forget which great Jedi said the response, (I was more intrigued by the content) it was probably Obi Wan but it went something like this:

"If you are not with me, then you are my enemy" (I think Senator Palpatine said it?)

The reply to this was:

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes."

The Siths are the evil dark side beings that the Jedi battle throughout the whole series. What I found interesting was that this was an older movie, out before Bush was in office, and yet those words hold a lot of familiarity. Remember when he said, "if you're not with us, you're against us!"????

I think it means GW is a SITH!!!! OH MY!!! I always knew it. :)

Another oldie...

I wrote this blog back in 2006, ironically only a week or two before my ex and I decided to split up. Amazing how things work out, and how the universe continues to take care of me. I still believe in the power of positive thought to this day, and that tapping into your creative processes can do more for healing your body and spirit than anything external.



Saturday, November 25, 2006

Intent?

Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

I've been reading a book called "The Power of Intention" by Wayne Dyer. It's a very interesting book. If you think about Star Wars, and The Force - that pretty much sums it up! Okay, so it's not that cheesy... but it is about the power of positive thought and how important it is to maintain positivity. Basically if you have good thoughts and visualize a rich, abundant future, then that is what you will draw to you. If you focus on the negative, then alternatively, that is what you will get.

Just last week I was visualizing a Krispy Kreme donut before work, and guess what??? When I got there, a pharmaceutical rep brought in a whole box! I saw it in my mind and I made it happen. :)

Seriously - I've never been a religious person and don't plan to start anytime soon. I despise organized religion. God, for me, has always been in nature and in the natural beauty of everything. Intent, according to Dr. Dyer, is the underlying energy that flows through everything - energy that, in theory, is all part of one big picture. This energy can be considered the Creative Source - God, if you will. If you are able to free your mind and tap into it, then the possibilities in your life are endless simply because you are pulling positive energy into your life.

It's the religion of quantum mechanics, in a way. Perfect for us science geeks. :)

Sounds a little like Luke and Aniken, right? :) If you look around and open your mind, you'll start to see that there is talk about this unseen force everywhere. I'm finding this extremely intriguing! I think this is one of the answers that I've been looking for - and I think this because when I look back on my journey to becoming a vet, I realize that when I was trying to get into vet school, all I could see was graduating and being a doctor. I just couldn't stomach anything else - and I now realize that I made it happen by opening up my mind, which led to more creativity - i.e. it gave me more ideas on what I needed to do in order to succeed. I've been tapping into this unseen force long before I knew I was doing it.

Part of the theory is that if you are closed to the creative source, you will remain stagnant, lacking ideas and creativity that propel you forward to success. If you open your mind to it, your creative ideas flow more freely, thus bouncing ideas in and out of your brain in an attempt to create in reality what you see in your imagination.

Think it's hokie? Well just remember those Krispy Kreme donuts... and the fact that I am a doctor after all. :)

(I'll probably post more on this as I evolve)

Brad Pitt, My New Hero

**Disclaimer: The following post is inflammatory and might offend some of my readers. It's about my personal opinions and is not an attack on anyone, so don't send me any hate emails after you read it or else I'll accuse you of exactly what I wrote about.



I was watching an interview with Brad Pitt and Bill Maher and I decided that I now idolize Brad Pitt. That's a biggee coming from me. But the things he said were so in line with my own thoughts and beliefs that I just had to start seeing him in a different light. He is an incredible humanitarian; he lives part of his life in the French Quarter in New Orleans, helping poor people and helping to rebuild people's lives. He gives more back in terms of being a good, decent man than most who claim to be "good christians". And he rejects christianity based on logic.

He talked about the legalization of marijuana and we all know how I feel about that one. Our government can't get their shit together enough to generate income from any other source other than unfair, unprecedented and unbelievable taxation, so why not at least use some creative thought to develop other sources of that taxable revenue? Study after study after study has shown the benefits of marijuana and have pretty much disproven so much of the rhetoric and false information out there. The only reason there is a "war" against it now is because the wrong people are making profits off of it, including the government. Just not the American People.

Many would read this and believe I'm a stoner, but in fact, I am not. At all. I am simply sick and tired of having to maintain a certain public position that goes against what I believe. I am sick and tired of having to forego my personal opinions on stuff just so I don't offend someone who knows me. Well fuck it; this is my blog, and this is how I feel. Legalize marijuana, allow pot bars and tax the hell out of it just like we do alcohol. We'll be rolling in money in about 24 hours and our healthcare crisis *might* be solved.

The other thing Brad talked about was religion, another seriously sore sticking point for me. I especially love it how people who are religious have no problem letting others know it, like they have to advertize that they are in some special club. BUT - let someone like ME make a comment about how I don't believe in religion, how I think the whole Jesus is the son of god myth is a load of ignorant crap, and I get attacked from all angles. THAT is the part I am sick of. I don't attack people for THEIR beliefs, so why do they feel the need to attack me for mine?

Being a "christian" does NOT make you a good person. I see so many people using it as a crutch for their bad behavior. If you can't consciously decide to make good decisions in your life and to try to be a good person without church, then I don't think there's much hope for you. I read all the time about how people go to church and try so hard "for their kids". Well let me tell you, if having kids wasn't a good enough reason to get your shit together and be a good person, well I don't think god or jesus or even allah is going to help you there. Stop using it as an excuse; get your life together, work hard, love hard and be a good friend or shut the hell up, because you ain't gettin' into that place you call heaven by making excuses in your life about how you are always trying so hard to be a good person!

I HATE the hypocracy of it all.

And, again, thinking it's a load of crap is MY opinion; it's not a personal attack on anyone else, it's a statement that reflects my logical, 40-year evaluation of my experience with God and the Universe.

Brad said he thought it didn't make sense, either. And that is my view. You might as well believe in Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny.

Having said that, I do believe Jesus was a man. I believe he might have even been an evolved human, someone of higher morality and intelligence, to whom humans were naturally drawn. I believe he probably went on to have a family and I believe that any God who would have his own child nailed to some cross is no god I want to believe in. To me, that is a directly antagonistic position to what god is supposed to represent.

I believe Jesus was a real man, who had sex and loved women and raised a family. Hell, he was a carpenter and that's pretty hot! :)

Whenever I make this argument, I am told, "but he died for our sins!". Come on, does that really make sense? Wouldn't it make more sense to just believe that god expects us to be kind to each other, to try your best to be a good person, to try to make society a reflection of good instead of evil? Is it really believable that the crucifixion of one person absolves the rest of us from being crappy people?

It's not that I don't believe in a higher being; it's that I believe that there is more logic to it than the myth. I believe there is a god; but I can't answer what it is, or how it works. What I do know is that nature is incredibly complex and any creator of it all MUST be a scientist. You just can't go from creating the universe to nailing your son to a cross.

It just doesn't make sense to me.

Reminiscing

I go through periods where I am burned out, where I absolutely cannot stand to talk to one more owner, to look at one more infected ear, to find one more sewer mouth, to tell one more person "yeah, we actually do have fleas here in the high desert despite what Dr. I'vebeeninpracticefor100years told you."

But right now, I'm feeling great. I'm motivated, excited and I feel like working hard to grow the business. Part of it, I think, is experiencing the application-to-vet-school process with a few of my technicians. It's making me remember what I went through, including the extremely hard work, the networking, the conversations, the sleepless, tear-filled nights... and that was just with trying to get accepted to a vet school - any vet school! Vet school itself was one of the most difficult undertakings of my life. Women all around me were getting married and having babies when I was educating myself, working to improve my brain and my life and to put myself in a position of always being able to take care of myself, no matter what. It was a difficult choice to do something everyone else was not doing (anyone can have babies; not anyone can go to vet school!) but one I never regret.

I have been thinking about how lucky I am. I am part of a very small, elite group of professionals who are blessed enough to become veterinarians. There was a time in my life when I just could not fathom doing anything else; and I still can't. I was born to do this, born to do nothing else. I worked so damned hard to get here, and sometimes I have to stop and remember everything that happened along the way. It does help with the burnout phases.

I've recently been back into contact with an old friend of mine who helped me get into vet school. He didn't do anything difficult for me, he wasn't a professor of mine or a close personal friend at that time, but he saw something in me when I was in my late twenties that made us bond as mentor and student even though I've never actually worked under him. To this day, I am certain that the letter of recommendation he wrote for me on my vet school application helped get me in. I could be wrong; but I feel it to be true and I am thankful even now, and it was 11 years ago when he wrote it! (for those of you in the know, he's a pretty important guy at Heska - make sense now? :) )

I am hopeful for my girls, but I also realize the path they are choosing and how long it is. My sis recently gave me a quote that is sooo true: "The path of least resistance leads to a longer road." These girls have a long road anyway, but I do believe it's a shortcut to do what you dream of doing and to do it well. And that path is never easy.

But look where it got me. :)

Lewis Carroll Moment

I had the strangest thing happen when I was walking this evening. Up ahead of me on the road, I noticed a HUGE, and I mean HUGE, rabbit casually kinda halfway hopping across the road. He was carrying something in his mouth. When he saw me, he stopped, and just stared at me. I got pretty close to him before he dropped what he was carrying and hopped away. When I got up to the object, I found that it was actually the remainder of about half of a carrot - and I mean a whole carrot, complete with the green top on it! I stood there for a second, half wondering if I was experiencing some weird magic mushroom flashback, or if I was really sleeping and dreaming it or what. I mean, I did read a lot of Lewis Carroll as a kid and I've always been in love with Alice, but come on... a wild rabbit carrying a whole carrot in the middle of the frigging desert?

Sometimes life is just strange.

Happy