Child Free Revisited

I'm posting this blog again (from Myspace) because I had a conversation with a friend this week about kids and it made me think about it. He is 61 years old and he and his wife chose many years ago not to have them - his belief, based on a lifetime of traveling the world and experiencing life in a manner that very few will shadow, is that the overpopulation of the world is one of the baselines for all of the societal ills that plague us, and the current situation of the U.S. is that *no one* stops and thinks about this before having more than one kid. We do it because we can and because we want to fill some selfish, inner void instead of using education, self-discovery and self-improvement to fullful ourselves. Either way, he's childfree, someone I very much admire, and WE AGREE.

I've definitely chilled on worrying about it. I'm 40 now, not having any kids, and I'm still thrilled about it to this day. Again, mommies just never seem happy to me, despite their repeated attempts to convince me that *it's the greatest thing ever*.

So here's the old post:


Everyone who knows me knows I have been struggling with the decision to have a kid or not. I think I've about decided NOT to do it. Sure, my body is telling me "Idiot! You're running out of time! You'd better do it now!" but my mind just isn't there. I love my solitude. I love being spontaneous. And I LOVE that a lot of people I know who have kids, are finished raising them and are joining me in the ranks of freedom once again. (i.e. they had their kids in their early twenties)

I've talked to at least 10 people in the last several months about the whole thing and I've met several women who, like me, choose to be Child Free. (I LOVE that term!) I have a very deep suspicion that there is a big secret kept by those with kids that having them isn't necessarily as great as it's made out to be. I RARELY hear how great the whole experience has been... more often than not, what I hear is "well, I'm glad I had him/her, but I sure am glad he's/she's grown now and I'm done! Life is all about me now!" I'm not kidding. I can't count the people I know who stopped at one and say that they love their kid but if they could do it all over again... NOT.

Which leads me to my theory about having kids in your twenties - much smarter than waiting because, hey, in my book, ignorance is bliss. You'll never know what you're missing out on if you have them when you're young! Wait until you're thirty-something like me, and you start to see that decision in a whole new light. So yea, have 'em when you're young and dumb. :)

I remember being 25, young at heart, very much in love with my new husband, and wanting to have kids - badly!! I honestly believe that is biology doing its job - if you didn't feel that way, we may never procreate! But as we got older, our views on that changed. Marriages change. That lusty, powerful, all-encompassing passion you feel early on changes... and then you're stuck with yourself all over again. It happens to everyone, no matter how in love they think they are when they first marry.

I recently read an article in WIRED magazine. They had a survey on things to do to remain happy - and one of the top things to do to keep yourself happy and healthy in life is to NOT have kids! Also, in support of what I said above, stats show that the ones having the kids in the world are in their twenties - we thirty-somethings decide otherwise.

Instead, I think I'm going to own dogs, travel with my friends and family, take LOTS of free solitude time, stay healthy, volunteer for charity and the like.

The idea of having to take care of another human being for something like, 25 years, is just too much for me. Do you realize how expensive college will be by the time they're there???

Nah, I'll keep my retirement and spend it on myself. :)