Another old blog...

I really love this post. It's an oldy but goody.


Monday, November 28, 2005

Loss of Innocence
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life

So I've been thinking about and talking about the loss of innocence quite a bit lately. It's one of those phrases that pops up in threes - you don't hear about it too much but when you do, it's all over the place. The loss of innocence to me, is that feeling you get when you realize something simply isn't true for you anymore. It all started with that realization that there was no Santa Clause, no Easter Bunny, no Tooth Fairy... the disappointment you feel as a child, when something you believed in wholeheartedly becomes a thing of the past. When my mom and sister informed me that Santa Claus was a farce, I argued with them - there was no way that could be true! I believed with so much of my soul and I KNEW I had heard him on the roof one night - I was sure they were simply playing an evil trick on me! As we get older, it's more of the same on a grander scale. I was talking to Val last night and of course we ventured into the land of this topic - the loss of innocence now means a loss of that feeling of happily-ever-after, of love solving all problems... losing that ability to love and trust blindly. The realization that you cannot get to know a person for years and years and the risk you take during that timespan. It is the feeling of being jaded in our thirtysomething years. It is feeling a little bit more alone on the inside, despite having loved ones around us. People give out information about themselves in bits and pieces. It is up to those around them to assimilate that information into a map of who we are. Being married for 12 years... my loss of innocence is the realization that I am sliding down hill, kicking my feet madly and wildly against the rubble that is slipping down with me... trying so hard to ignore that loss of ability to love and trust blindly. Don't worry, Val. I got your back.