The Age of Denial

Something that has weighed on my mind for a few years now is why many of the old people I see are grumpy and negative. I try to have patience with them and after much pondering and thought, I think I understand why they get to be that way.

As you go through life, you gain and lose wealth, you gain and lose material items, you gain and lose jobs, etc. Those are things that fall under the "time heals all wounds" mantra.

But what doesn't fall under that mantra is the loss of the people in your life. I don't care who claims that it eventually gets better - it doesn't. Maybe we learn to cope and maybe we learn to reorganize the thoughts in our brain so we sweep things aside and don't think about it every second, but that doesn't take away the pain of the feelings of loss that we gain every day, week, month and year as we age.

On average, by the time you're in your 40s, you're starting to feel this pain of loss of people around you. It might be an insignificant impact on your life, like the loss of Hollywood actors (I'm still sad over the loss of Heath Ledger, Patrick Swayze, etc) or it might be close friends or even family members. Either way, you start getting the hints about what the rest of life will look like, no matter what you've built, what family or friends you have, or what you do.

The grumpiness I see in old people, I believe, is about the compounding feeling of loss that worsens as we get older.

Now, there are some christians out there that will say believing in their mythical god will make that better, that believing in heaven will take away the sting of that. I say that believing in that could also be explained as a way to deal with the pain of loss - it's too big to get your head around, it's too painful to even accept, really... so telling yourself you'll see them again or that they're in a "better place" or whatever is a way to deal with a pain so deep and detrimental that you... well... can't deal with it.

It's a form of denial, no matter how you look at it.

I don't have any answers; this is just something I've been thinking about, as my own inner feelings are creeping up on me at the realization that I'm scared inside over the loss of those close to me. The older I get, the more I have this sinking feeling of dread over waking up to a 2 am phone call saying someone in my family is gone. It's almost like you go into a weird waiting mode, knowing it will come some day but walking around trying not to think about it. Again, denial.

So no matter how you want to look at it or spin it, it's all a form of denial! It's because we have no answers about god or however you define the afterlife - christian, atheist, agnostic - we all live in a state of denial.

Is it good? I don't know. I'll think about it some more later. :)