Hiking and Humanity

Wow so where is life taking me?  Sometimes I don't know.  I go with the flow, I look for signs of intention leading me in a certain direction...  and sometimes I just say fuck it and let go of my need to control those things around me.

I've been writing for a long time now and even that has expanded.  Sometimes I cannot believe how many words come out of me - it's like a never ending well of fresh water pouring out of me, nourishing the life around me and propping up my spirit.   Words.  They define me in so many ways.

So what's new?  Since this is my Annual Blog Post - let me catch you up.

First and foremost - my physical activities.  It's expanded quite a bit since last year.  I did make that Girl's Backpacking Trip in July and it was merely a stepping stone to a New Life.   I cannot even express how much I love walking through the Sierra Nevada, how healing it is to my soul, how much it expands my universe.  I know some will get this;  others will not.  That's OK.

I started out slowly;  local hikes on PCT that were a few miles long.   But I was scared - scared to do it alone, scared of what doing it alone meant (I don't just mean my personal safety) and scared of pushing myself.

Then one of my very best friends in the whole world sent me an awesome gift - a little messenger called a SPOT that allows me to be tracked, allows me to shoot an SOS if I need to..   and that was it.  All I needed.  I downloaded a few apps to help keep me on trail and I just took off.

Now I'm REALLY addicted.  I mean, I've been hiking forever, but it's taking on a new meaning for me now, a meaning that's kinda hard to explain but all about what I said above:  Healing.  I feel so good when I'm hiking, away from people, inside my own head but NOT inside my head;  engaging my right brain via heightened senses and exposure to nature.

Heaven.   In an atheist mind.

(I haven't mentioned much about my past related to my previous marriage, but the truth is that I didn't think I could do many of those things any more - the things He took me to do, the hiking, the camping, the nature...    but now I'm discovering that not only can I do it...  I can do it BETTER.)

So anyway, I started going farther and farther and before I knew it, the distances were getting a little harder to do on my days off just because of the time.  So then I started climbing up...

Never saw myself as a "peak bagger" but I'm certainly heading in that direction. I love climbing mountain trails - trails that are so steep I have to stop often just to catch my breath.  I may be developing an adrenaline addiction.

So in this same thread of thinking, I decided I was gonna start planning a goodie - hiking the entire length of Catalina Island.  It's called the Trans Catalina Trail and its about 52 miles long, with some serious ascents and descents.

And, oddly enough...  I started planning it as a solo backpacker.   Then I met some ladies via an internet group I'm in, and it's turned into a small group trip.  Amazing how doing something that physically sets me apart from mankind is simultaneously bringing me back to humanity. 

Most of all though, is a dream that is slowly coming together...  I want to hike the John Muir Trail.  It's a 211 mile hike through the Sierra Nevada, through some of the most beautiful land in the world.  I started thinking of doing that solo too...   and still might...  but the reality is that there will be no solo-ness on that trip.  Lots of people on trail...   and maybe more doses of humanity, bringing me back to my own species.

I do have a big regret, and that's that I did not start doing this many years ago, in the days when my body was more apt for it, in the days when I could have turned it into the biggest life experience I ever had...  If I could go back in time, I'd hike the entire length of the Pacific Crest Trail.  Maybe I still will.  Let's see where life takes me next.  

Life is about experiences and finding your way and all that shit.  I certainly haven't wasted any time living mine, and it's only moving forward at a faster pace with more diversity than ever before.

And THIS too makes me happy. 

Peace

September 19, 2013

WOW.  I guess I haven't been a very good blogger in the last few years.  Actually, I've been an extremely good blogger...  just not on my own blog.  In some ways, I am splintered by my blogs.  Different parts of my personality are reflected on different types of blogs with which I participate.  A veterinary blog, my clinic blog, a weight loss blog...  and here.  So I'll make some attempts to bring myself back together in one place, even if only for a bit.

Let's see...   since I quit drinking Coke...

I went through a major weight loss.  I mean, serious weight loss.  I'm down nearly 75 lbs overall, from my highest weight.  I've started running on a more regular basis, changed a LOT about the way I eat, and am starting to develop an interest in long distance hiking and backpacking.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning and I look down at myself, I still don't recognize myself.  I'm a small person, petite in all ways now.  It's incredible.  And I work at it every day.

Last year I went on a solo trip through Yosemite.  Spent 5 days just driving around, staying in crappy hotels and being alone.  It was a fantastic trip.  I totally missed Steve and Vinnie but it was some sort of odd healing trip for me...  especially since I've always said I've pretty much spent my life trying to heal from my childhood.

Nature is my church.  I've never denied that, and as I get older, it seems that nature is tugging at me more and more in ways I never saw before.  For example, I've started gardening.   This past summer I grew about a dozen tomato plants - I'd spend every evening after work just standing amongst them, smelling them, talking to them, watering them, picking bugs and caterpillars off of them, feeding them, harvesting their goodness from them.   From there I started planting more vegetables and harvesting all of my own green onions, chives, bell peppers, etc.

Then I went to The Herbfarm up in Seattle, WA.  I can honestly say it was one of the greatest culinary experiences of my life, and it inspired me to start growing more herbs than just vegetables.  Now I have a garden full of herbs like sage, thyme, oregano, mint, marjoram, tarragon, chervil, rosemary, lavendar, etc.  I LOVE being able to walk out to my patio and cut fresh herbs and cook with them.

Again, this calms me.

And Life is about finding peace and calm, which in my world, equates to happiness.

I mentioned Vinnie above, and then I realized I haven't mentioned him before - and the last time I blogged, I hadn't gotten him yet!  So...  Vinnie is the newest, most lovable, sweet hearted little being to enter my life.  I'm totally in love with him - he's a chihuahua/weenie dog mix and just the sweetest little soul to grace my presence.

So let's see...  changes through gardening, changes through weight loss, changes through new additions to my family...  yeah, it's been a busy few years.

The clinic is still buzzing along, but it's work.  Being a vet is not my life, it's my job.  I've settled on that.

Steve and I are doing well.  We are still traveling all over seeking out unique and exquisite culinary adventures, exciting music and fun venues.  I couldn't have asked for a more patient man to come into my life, who accepts me and does everything in his power to make sure I am cared for and supported.

My next adventure in the planning stages is a back country hike of Yosemite.  I'm considering going with a company that actually plans these things - specifically for women - so I'll feel a little safer.  I'm still hiking PCT on a regular basis in addition to running which, to this day, is the only thing that really calms my mind and reduces my tendencies towards depression.  That and my herb garden.

Things that bring me peace.

Breaking Habits

I am an extreme Coke drinker.  I didn't drink 10 in a day or anything like that, but I definitely had to have at least ONE every day. 

I gave them up on Nov. 23rd.  Ugh.  I haven't had any form of soda since, not even diet drinks.  It hasn't been easy, I will admit!!  But it's becoming more of a mental game for me, as in...  I'm craving a coke?  Well take THAT you evil craving, I am NOT giving in!

So then I decided that I would try to break my Facebook habit as well.  I started to notice that I was on it all of the time, as in I'd check it with my morning coffee, then get to work and check it on my phone, then keep checking it throughout the day on my computer at work.  I'd check it while watching a movie, peek at it while talking to my husband, etc etc.  It was just too much.

So I quit, cold turkey.  Deactivated my account.  And now it's been 36 hours without FB.  It's kinda weird, and I do miss certain groups with whom I participated, but it's also kind of like that challenge...  the more I want to log in, the more I resist it because I am NOT going to let this evil habit win!!!

It's also given me a chance to really realize how much time I've burned up with FB.  I've found some time in the last 24 hours to actually write again - something I love to do and something I quit doing because, well, I was spending more time on FB.  

I find facebook to be super cool and useful, but it's also a bit like high school.  Sometimes it down right made me feel bad about myself!  So this is a good thing.

I'll log back on soon, but I'm gonna take the app off my phone and if I go back to the old habit, I'll deactivate it again.  I can stay in touch with people without having to be logged in 24 hours a day, for pete's sake.

Sometimes you just gotta master the habits in your life.

SAD

Admittedly, I suffer from SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I really started picking up on it within the last few years, in that at first I didn't really realize that I was experiencing these cycles of depression in the winter.  Once I realized it, it's a little easier to take, but still a tough time to get through every. single. year.

This year it's a little different and I'm not sure why.  Age?  Point in life?  Recent events?  Either way, it's a hard one.  I'm sick of people, I'm sick of the recession, I'm sick of bad news, I'm sick of *trying* to find a reason to be happy in my day.  And people don't see it coming, but one day you wake up and realize that the older you get, the harder it is to find the bright spots.  Right at this moment I have two friends dying in the hospital - one whose dog is at our clinic because he had no where else to go when his mom crashed this week from pancreatic cancer, and one who has advanced alzheimer's, and whose husband is a dear man who has shared his story of his 50 year marriage with me.  Hearing him cry and tell me that his beloved wife doesn't remember the last 20 years of their life together is just about all I can take in one day.

Finding focus and trying to appreciate the things that do make me smile is the only way I get through the day.  Otherwise the dreams of chucking it all and taking off in the car with Steve and my dog are about to overcome me.   Who cares about responsibilities?  Who cares about "living the American dream" when all it leads to is old age, social security and dying some miserable death?  I'm young now.  I'm able.  I don't want to be a member of the serfdom that our society is trying to hard to push upon it's own.  I want to go far away and explore and love and work at jobs that make me feel good about myself and focus on living my life instead of chasing some pipe dream of...  whatever.   I just don't want to waste my life, is what I am saying.  And lately I really feel that maybe I am.

And it's damned hard to get out of a circular rut,  in which I also am currently spinning.

Now I know that some will look at my life, my accomplishments, etc. and tell me I'm crazy.  But what they don't see is that under it all, I just want a simple life.   I don't want material things.  Right at this moment, I could even live without the internet.  I'm just tired of these things and wish I could drop out of everything for about 6 months! 

Live now.  Enjoy the days you have while you have them.  And don't buy into the bullshit of the society around you because the goal of any society is to extract labor from you for 50 years then let you die and disappear.

Definitely not Debbie Upper today.

Coming Up: Belize!

Back in 1997, when I was re-taking my SCUBA certification with NAUI through Fullerton JC, I decided it was time to take a "real" dive vacation. I'd been diving Catalina Island at least once a month, beach diving both Laguna Beach and Redondo Beach, and while I loved it, I was ready to try some warm water diving. At the time I couldn't even grasp what it would be like to NOT wear a full wetsuit and all of that garb... a shorty?? What's a short??? I had no idea.

So, booked a trip to a nice resort right off the coast of Belize called Turneffe Island Lodge. It was about an hour's ride from the coast, and there were only 20 of us on the island. Well, it turned out to be an absolutely incredible week. It's called "concierge diving" which means someone basically does everything for you - you simply don your gear and jump in the water.

And did I mention that you don't wear shoes for the whole week? Yeah, those foot-binding things that rednecks like me despise.

I was hooked.

Since then, I've been diving in Cozumel, St. Croix, Puerto Rico, Playa Mujeres (Mexico) Sea of Cortez, and a few other places I can't remember right now. I've been doing this a LONG time. :)

So earlier this year Steve and I kept going back and forth on whether or not we want to go on a total scuba vacation or one with a little more land action. We couldn't decide. So one day, I just thought about it and make the decision: we were gonna return to Turneffe Island and do some concierge diving again! Once the decision was made, it became easy.

Part of my motivation is because Steve has only dove at Catalina here in CA and a few dives in Mexico, that were not great dives. TIL will be different and I know that after he does the 15 dives there, his confidence and love for the sport will expand exponentially... like mine did.

I don't think I LOVED diving until I went to Belize.

Some people would not enjoy a vacation like this; after all, it revolves around diving. We aren't there to explore or play in the surf or do anything except dive. Every day. We will get up, have breakfast, and dive. Come back to the island for a surface interval and a break, and then dive again. Come back for another surface interval, lunch, and dive again. That's how our day will be spent.

And I can't wait. :) I can't wait for surface intervals where I just lay around with my shorty folded over my waist, chatting with the other divers about what we just saw, hydrating with cold water anticipating the next dive that will dry my mouth out again... the taste of the orange slices given to us after each dive to make our mouths taste better, how good the food will taste in the evening - no matter what it is - because diving just makes you HUNGRY.... the rashes I know I am gonna get from constantly wearing neoprene and staying wet all day... and I'll love getting those rashes. :)

But mostly I just want to get in the water again. I need to feel bubbles running over the sides of my face, I need to look up and see 80 feet of water above my head, I need to look down into the unknown blue beneath me, I need to connect with others who love this as much as me... I need to laugh under water, and play with my gear and take pictures that say "Hi Mom!" like I always do.

And look at a world that very few see.

So of course there will be many pictures to follow at the end of this month. We leave August 19th and will be at TIL from Sat-Sat.

And I'm not gonna wait so long in between dive trips again. Because it's who I am.

Other Stuff

OK so let's see.... other things we've done recently...

Business is still up and down but we are surviving the recession so far. The biggest lesson I've learned from all of this is 1.) NEVER trust a bank. Always watch your back when it comes to them. I'm watching my great country go into a major decline because of the banks and because of the corruption in our government, and it's a terribly helpless feeling. I keep thinking about all of my history lessons and it's like I can actually see the decline and the return to the surfdom mentality in our nation. The rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer, and our illustrious middle class is starting to go away. It's historical and it's happened repeatedly throughout the generations but to be on this end of it is just heartbreaking.

But, we are still trying to live and enjoy life to the best of our ability.

Last August we spent a week camping in Northern CA (headed for a Reggae festival that didn't happen) with my good friends followed by a few days in San Francisco. We had a GREAT time!!! On our way up to Reggae, we always stop in Ukiah, CA at this brewery for lunch and good, organic beer.



We did our annual trip to Laguna Beach last November and it was as wonderful as always.



We somehow made it home to TX twice this spring - once for Scooby's baby shower and then for the birth of the baby. Good times!!! But most importantly - the ability to be with my family for the good stuff is just such a huge part of my life and I'm soooo glad I got to be there for it!

Next month we'll be headed to Dallas, TX for my Aramco Brat reunion. Happens every two years and yeah, it's always a helluva party. This year will be super special because my family will be driving up to meet us so I'll get to spend a few days with Addybug!!!! YEAH!!! Some baby luv time. :)

In August of this year we'll be headed to Belize. Actually, to a small island off the coast of Belize, called Turneffe Island. We'll be SCUBA diving for a whole week, with nothing else to do but relax and have fun. No phones, no t.v., no internet.... we'll be forced to slow down a bit. :)

And then it all starts over again in November when we head to Laguna Beach again... :)

Circle of VACATION life. :)

We Meet the New Generation

I can't seem to keep up with my blog anymore. I'd love to say it's *only* because I've been so busy, but that's not the only reason. I've blogged for many years and I guess it's probably starting to get old for me. Don't feel so much like putting my life out there any more. I think it was probably cathartic for a long time but now... I'm just getting older and different things are important to me now.

Well, well... our beautiful baby girl, Addisyn, was brought into the world last month by my Scooby. I got to be in the room for the delivery and watched her poke her head out into the world for the first time! It was totally cool to be there, but it did reinforce my decision (yet again - this has been a lifelong reinforcement!) not to have kids. Just not my cup of tea. People talk about how it's some "miracle" or something to be cherished and yeah, I can appreciate why they'd feel that way... but there was no miracle in my eyes. The emotion, the "love", the feeling of it being a miracle is all related to biochemical processes in the brain that ensure the survival of our species and make it so we don't kill and eat our own babies. HA!! It was hard, it was difficult and it was brutal. It was 100% biology. There is no "god" in the room and it's not something "special", rather it's something 100 billion women do every generation (not to mention all of the female mammals out there). I've seen enough doggys giving birth so it wasn't a surprise to see how much pain was involved. Also, I've never felt so much heartache for someone else that I love! I was thinking in the middle of it, "bring on the c-section, dammit!" :)

Scooby (my term of endearment for my niece) did great!!! I was amazed and marveled at her good mood, her happiness and her damned desire to get that kid out of her belly. She was precious and brave and especially funny when they gave her torbugesic for the pain and was thus totally stoned in the middle of labor. And then when she was pushing and she opened her eyes to look at everyone and we all started laughing.... it was a very special time, one I will never forget - all the way down to the "group hug" I shared with my sister and Stewie (the daddy) when it was all over!

But, eventually our little baby made it and it was over and now we have a new generation in the family. It's kind of a weird feeling from that viewpoint - the new are in, the old are on their way out... but I still can't get past my science-wired brain and I see it all as just the circle of life that everyone always talks about.

Even the "love" we talk about with newborns - it's not love, really. It's a chemical process in the brain that kicks on so that, again... we don't kill our own and we make sure they live so we can propagate as a species.

Now. Having said all of that. What I DO think is that those chemicals ARE the miracle. When I try to explain to people that this is how *I* see god or whatever... when I say "god" is science and nature... well, this is a perfect example. I mean, how else could a woman carry a parasite in her womb for 9 months, rip her vagina wide open to get it out, never pee right again and risk all of that if it wasn't for the strong changes in the brain that allow it to happen? THAT is the miracle. The ability of the body (human, canine, whatever) to give birth in general.

And what I also said when little Addybug popped out: the miracle isn't in the birth; the miracle is in those chemical reactions in the brain that we call "love", that makes you immediately bond to and "love" that little baby. I'd never met that child before she came into the world yet I immediately and intensely loved her and wanted to protect her. Pure human nature and biology and THAT, my dear friends, IS a miracle.

A Family Newcomer

Can't write another post without writing THIS one:

My niece, Alisha, whom I have adored my whole life and have actually claimed as my own kid (my sister merely having given birth to her) will be welcoming her own baby to the world! Yep, another generation of crazy cajuns will be making it's way into the world....

So the newcomer is a baby girl, and it looks like we've settled on the name Addisyn Paige (though the spelling may change). We all are sooooo excited to meet her!!!! My sister has gone nuts, buying stuff for her first grandbaby, and we all simply cannot wait for the big day to get here.

I'm so proud of Alisha, for so many reasons: she finished college and is now a nurse, making tons of money and working at a great place. She will always be able to take care of herself and her growing family, if it ever came to that.... luckily she's married to a great guy who has a great job with lots of future opportunities so all is well on that front.... but she heard what we said all of those years, finished her education before having babies, and in case life ever throws her a curveball, she'll be able to take care of herself and her kiddies. It's all I've ever wanted for her!!! I am SO Freaking Proud of her.

She's a happy mommy, not one of those sniveling, whining "oh my god I'm pregnant" types of moms. No depression and no martyrdom, just happy to be having a baby and hopes to have many more!!!

Did I say I'm SO FREAKING PROUD of her??? :)

Can't wait to meet you, Addy. :)

Vacation Blog

Well, maybe I'll just rename this my "vacation blog" since I only seem to manage to post every few months now, about the trips we've taken or the things we've recently done. :)

After the walk in September, we took a short trip down to Louisiana for two reasons: to hang out in the French Quarter with my sister and brother-in-law, and my niece and nephew-in-law, and to go to an LSU football game. We had a fantastic trip!!! One of the best, ever. It included many, many wonderful cajun meals down in the Quarter (including 4th and 5th meals - hehe!!), many, many good drinks, a ghost tour, some creepy cemetery tours, a fun drive over to Baton Rouge and then of course, the grand finale which was a football game at Death Valley. We love spending time with our family and plan to do it more often!

This is a group pic of us having breakfast at the world famous Brennan's:


And of course, Bananas Foster for breakfast:


Can't go to La. without having Beignets:



Birds of a Feather:


We went into the bathroom at this one place, and supposedly it was not only a haunted bathroom, but also the SMALLEST bathroom IN THE WORLD!!!! We couldn't stop giggling when we were in there! So a self-group photo was necessary.


When we were younger, we shared toys. When we got older, we shared drinks. When we got much older, we shared reading glasses. This is a pic of Steve and Kenny sharing reading glasses so they could read the menu at one of our most favorite restaurants in the entire world:



Standing in front of Tiger Stadium, AKA Death Valley, at my alma mater, LSU:

Sis and I making art, in the style of Picasso:




We also got to spend a few hours with my brother and his kids, which also included my mom. It's just too danged hard to get little kids in the car and travel, so they weren't able to hang with us in New Orleans or Baton Rouge, but got to spend a few hours with us and go to a nice lunch at Joe's Crab Shack. (a safe place for the kiddos) Spending time with two little kids, no matter how cute they are, reaffirms my GREAT decision NOT to have any. I love 'em, but I don't have the desire to own any. Dogs are just fine with me. :) That said, those little ones are cute as bugs, full of attitude and personality - and I fully expect them to give my brother hell as they grow up. :)

I have to include this pic because we all laughed so hard when we took it - Alisha was convinced Steve looked like Harry from Harry and the Hendersons, so of course it warrants a place on this blog:



Anyway, we also recently returned from our annual pilgrimage to Laguna Beach. Been spending a week there yearly since 2004, and absolutely love it. It's a laid back kind of vacation, and boy is that what we did! It was fun and a much needed rest. We try to go every year for the week right after Thanksgiving - we celebrate our holiday wedding anniversary and just take some down time.

We celebrated our second anniversary this year. My how time flies!!! :) I do have pics for that trip, too, but will post a separate blog for those. :)